The Suicide Shop by Jean Teulé, reviewed by kaolin

The Suicide Shop by Jean Teule

My review

rating: 2 of 5 stars

The Tuvaches, a sort of working class Addams Family, operate The Suicide Shop--a shop where anyone can purchase the equipment and/or training required to off themselves (though children can only purchase sweets that have a 50% chance of killing them).

The story is set some time after North America has been laid to waste by the Big One--but for the most part it could pass as contemporary, with the odd bit of future tech: holographic greeting cards; a solution that turn one's kiss poisonous to others; 3d semi-immersive full-sensory television.

Mishima and Lucrèce Tuvache have three children--two depressed and/or ailing, and the youngest, bright and cherubic. This latter child, Alan, is the force that changes everything.

The chapters are brief, often terse, and the story progresses swiftly--at times a little too swiftly, in that I felt the characters bounced a bit too much in mood and disposition. At the same time, the quick pace kept me turning pages.

I was somewhat disappointed by the direction of the narrative--it's described as a quirky black comedy, but I found it more comedy, verging on slapstick, and less black (until, perhaps, the end). Alan's cheer and undauntable optimism quickly infects the rest of the family (except for Mishima, the father); even suicide commandos are shown to not be able to withstand his barrage of cheerfulness (a favorite quote: "I'll only be demonstrating this to you once!").

Still, it has a definite charm, and if you are perhaps less jaded you might get a real kick out of it throughout. I could easily see it being a cult favorite in the right circles.

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Stone Masters: A Vampire Reckoning by VMK Fewers, reviewed by Jess

Stone Masters: A Vampire Reckoning by V.M.K. Fewings

My review

rating: 1 of 5 stars


'Stone Masters: A Vampire Reckoning' by V.M.K. Fewers is a vampire novel told from two perspectives, in the form of diary entries. Both of the main characters, Orpheus and Jadeon, start us off with an entry from June 2006 as the set up to tell the story of how they became what they are, several hundred years earlier.

Jadeon’s family history is somewhat… interesting. He and his brother, Alex, accidentally witness their father and a group of men performing a ritual over a woman they at first believe to be a witch. The brothers see the woman carried through the family castle screaming, and calling out the name “Orpheus”. Thus begins Jadeon's journey to discover the truth about his father's involvement with the group–The Stone Masters-whose duty it is to kill vampires.

I appreciate that Laurell K. Hamilton and Anne Rice can only produce so many novels a year, and that in-between times vampire fans need a fix. So, this little niche opens up for the rest of vampire fic to have its turn. Unfortuately, Stone Masters is like a skeleton of an Anne Rice novel, without the real flesh, and more importantly blood, which vampires need. Anita Blake without any of the wit, and a poor copy-cat.

Not long ago I read Gabrielle Faust’s 'Eternal Vigilance'. After reading Stone Masters I can appreciate what Faust was doing - she tried to recreate a genre that is wearing rather thin on new material by injecting as much of her own originality as she could. And as it should be. Stone Masters just doesn’t have that jolt of excitement, or even just enough good old gore-fun to keep the reader interested. There is nothing new here, however hard you look, and hope.

The movement from one narrator to the next is confusing, the diaries boring. There was one stand-out moment, which was the description of a nasty witches' ceremony. I felt excited at this point, and for just a moment relieved, because I thought I was finally going to get the dark and scary tale that was hinted at in the story up until this point. No such luck. One good chapter was not enough to save Stone Masters. Poetic prose can be a wonderful thing, but not when it is the veil used simply to cover a weak plot.

I struggled with the book, right from the uninspiring cover art, to the less than satisfactory ending. I know it is not supposed to be taken as one of the literary greats, but there has to be something–it wasn’t even so bad that it was hilarious.

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